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never rest on your laurels.
Joined on 10/12/13
Posted by nitrile - July 28th, 2015
lit. "pulling away, being confined."
Japanese term to refer to the phenomenon of reclusive individuals who have chosen to withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement.
Hey guys, unusual personal post, but I think it needs to be addressed because it's important to me and I think it could help someone who might be experiencing the same things. Basically, I used to be a hikikomori. I was mildly depressed and misanthropic. I rarely left my house for several years and the effects of that voluntary isolation still impact me today. However, I'm lot better than I was a couple years ago.
If you can relate, don't give into the idea that this will last forever. It doesn't. It may reoccur through out your life on occasion, but that's just something you have to learn to deal with. It sucks, but think of it this way. You'll be stronger for it. People who don't have to go through this shit don't get that kind of opportunity. Use it to your advantage.
There were points where I believed I wouldn't wake up the next day because I just didn't have the mental leverage to pull myself out of the psychological pit I dug myself into, but I always knew I had a purpose. I just had to figure out what it is, and honestly that search is what's keeping me alive. Find something. Anything. You can't reverse death so don't fucking go down that road.
The solution will vary from person to person, but here's what helped me:
-I landed a job that was convenient, not too stressful, and put enough money in my pocket. I live pretty frugally.
-I started weight training, improving my diet and overall health habits. Drank more water, slept 7-9 hrs everday, etc.
-I focused on my hobbies and I continue to try new ones.
-I talk to new people for the hell of it. Do it when you have the energy to spare. If you're like me, social interaction can be very draining unless you feel particularly well that day. That's why it's important to take care of your body. I feel most social at the gym, even if it's after a long day at work.
-I'm taking in pride in my appearance.
-Make goals that support the things you want to achieve in life.
-Surround yourself with the people you want to be like. I spend time around people that are positive, funny, chill, motivated, and know their shit. They rub off on you eventually.
-Spend time with children and pets. It's really difficult not to smile when you're around them. The well behaved ones anyway.
-Meditate/create a zen place. Whenever I feel like shit, as I'm falling asleep, I go to a peaceful place I've created in my mind. Use your imagination. You can have whatever you want. Make that universe and visit it when you need to.
-Fap when it's truly necessary. Don't waste time fapping unless you really need the mental clarity.
-I travel as often as I can. Even if it's just a new location within your city. Just get out of the goddamn house!
-Venting. Find someone you can talk shit with or go online and vent. Just get it off your chest.
-Burned bridges. Unfortunately, some people are like cancer. You got to cut them off. It's nothing personal. You just don't have time to tolerate bullshit.
-Stopped comparing myself to others. I've found that even the folks who seem like they've got it good are fucked up in some way. They've got their hustle and you have yours. Don't let jealously or envy rob you of your time.
-Be self-centered. I'm not saying be an asshole, but remember that you are all you have. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
-Don't harbor negative thoughts. People are going to try to fuck with you, even when you're kind to them. We're all fucked up in some way. It's part of being human. Just let it go and move on to more important shit.
If none of this works, you really need to find a specialist who gives a shit about you and can help you. Fortunately, my problems stemmed from unhealthy behaviors (both phsyical and mental) that are entirely in my control so I could correct them with discipline and hard work. Don't get overwhelmed by the idea of having to do all this. Just start somewhere.
A lot of this shit we worry about isn't that big of a deal. Just fucking try to live life and see how it plays out. Maybe a couple years from now, things will be a lot better than you could have imagined. I sure as hell never thought I'd be doing all the shit I'm doing now.
If you have any questions or comments, send me a pm. I'll get to it when I'm not obsessing over tank boy or whatever trap I've created at the moment.
Posted by nitrile - April 1st, 2015
"A man needs a mission in life. You need a purpose, a passion, something to build, live for, strive for, fight for. A mission is the only way you can escape the vagaries and whims of the sexual selection game and enjoy the relative calm of a productive, cooperation-based hierarchy with a common purpose. A man’s mission is a source of satisfaction and self-worth that he controls, giving his life meaning and more importantly stability. A man without a mission is an unstable man because he is completely dependent on the fleeting, volatile approval of others for his self-worth. Without internal validation, you are nothing. You’re an empty shell without a life and a purpose."
-TFM and TruthOverEverything
Posted by nitrile - December 16th, 2014
i think there might be a second one, but idk, we'll see.
overall, it was a pretty good experience working with another artist for once, but i think i'm going to try and focus on my own endeavors from now on. you'll probably see some speedpaints with commentary in the near future,so if you have any questions you want me to answer, leave them in the comments section below.
original sketch below
base sketch for 1st image plus bottom half/edits to the second
Posted by nitrile - October 16th, 2014
“My name is Kaoru Oshima.
I am a boy.
I dress as a girl.
I’m not a “new half” [male-to-female transsexual].
I don’t want to be a girl. But I want to look like a girl.
Sexual preference? I like both women and men.
Some people might call me transgender, transvestite, or a cross-dresser, but none of those labels really fit.”
When I talk about traps, this is what I mean.
his youtube: “My name is Kaoru Oshima. I am a pornstar. But I am a man.”
Posted by nitrile - October 2nd, 2014
what i've been up to: retro gaming (ff7), and a comic featuring that blond trap i've been drawing lately. also, considering commissions. /sigh
can i just wake up to all of these trap someday? please?!
Posted by nitrile - August 5th, 2014
i'm just a person that enjoys both male and female aesthetics.(i'll put new pics up later)
Also, thanks for the support and the critiques. I'm kind of amazed at how many people are fans of my work, especially considering that newgrounds appears to be 99% straight males. It feels pretty damn good to see a comment about how gay i made someone feel, haha. you know you're doing something right when you get dicks to look cute enough that a straight person tells you that they 5/5 would bang.
ok, bye for now. ☆
Posted by nitrile - July 3rd, 2014
some people think that traps exist only in the 2d world. well, you'd be surprised. i've comprised a list of the most beautiful boys/men in the world just because i really like them and i think you might as well.
check out his blog. he works for a maid cafe that employs traps or newtypes, as they call them (source: http://www.dclog.jp/mdc_saaya/)
there's only one female in this pic and it's not the one on the right. (source: josou paradise)
how many guys are in this picture? 3. (source: http://tyazuke-un.jugem.jp/?eid=1284)
the cutie above is also also featured in this video about another newtype cafe.
okay, you get the idea.
刘著 (LIU ZHU)
AONYAN / AOI AMO
五更梦饼 (Wu Geng Meng Bing)
are you gay yet?